Tuesday, January 9, 2018

More Rumors: "Jacob Zuma Resigns as President of South Africa"

In an emotional speech after this morning’s monthly cabinet meeting the Zumster said: It’s time for new leadership. I have failed the legacy of Madiba
President Jacob Zuma of South Africa
and the spirit of the Freedom Charter. I have not won the battle against corruption and when a man fails, he should know it is noble to rather step down than muddle onwards. I have many wives and now I will have time to spend with them in my fire pool at Nkandla. My chickens miss me.”
Earlier it was rumoured the National Prosecuting authority has opened both the Arms Deal files and Nkande Spending file for further investigation. Members of the disbanded Hawks crime fighting unit were said to be investigating new leads in both cases with a docket to charge Zuma said to be ready within weeks. It is not clear if these moves by the State Security Services sparked Zuma’s resignation, but members of the wealthy Gupta family – who advises the president on matters strategic and financial – hinted at his resignation last week when they where concerned about landing rights for their private A320 passenger jet at Waterkloof Airforce Base. One of the Gupta brothers was quoted as saying: “We are planning a massive Easter Party and I don’t know if the Big Induna will still be there to OK us touching down on our pad again.”
While international leaders have welcomed the move. Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe has pleaded with Zuma to recall his decision. “You are my best neighbour. You cannot move now. You have not even succeeded in you land grab initiatives. A chief never leaves before he achieves his goals.”
Government spokesman Uno April said a new president will be chosen before the end of April but wishes April Fools Day would last forever. --- SA Promo magazine

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